..."Nothing succeeds like excess"..
Years of trying to achieve,
and trying to get rid of what ails me,
while hiding my ugliness and incompetence,
and concealing unacceptable urges and cravings, e.g.,
Lust, for sex, anguish for my inadequacies
greed, for more money or property or prestige
jealousy and envy (of those richer, stronger, friendlier, nicer)
even gluttony, at a low ebb of consciousness.
Repetitive, self-aggrandizing thoughts and daydreams
about talking or writing, purportedly for some good purpose,
but actually to accomplish and impress
serving pride, self-gratification, and vanity.
Anger when something goes against my expectations,
and I am already pushing or ignoring my limits.
Hatred when a neighbor shoots at my dogs,
promoting violence, harming, and despair.
Suspicion, fear and self-doubts
stem from competitiveness, and feelings of worthlessness.
Others see through my weaknesses, and forgive,
but I only condemn.
An alternative strategy
to take care of these common hindrances,
despite neurotic impulses to hide, and hide them,
is to outrageously promote and publicise them.
For example, despite ignorance of poetic sensibilities,
and of the depths of Zazen and Shikantaza,
I publish my website
with its half-true stories and ideals.
More popular are various blogs
everyday professions
publicly proclaiming juicy sinfulness
and lavishly comparing recent, lurid experiences.
If such publicity does not address the underlying problems
at least it does not hypocritically hide them
particularly from the mindful self, and others
who may look, care, and possibly help.
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