In most of my activities of work and study,
there is a split betweem my conscious, directed efforts,
and the rest of my mostly subconscious stuff.
I feel the split on stopping, and relaxing, just being.
Most work activities breed dissatisfaction,
possibly since I may work with minimal attention,
while I am thinking and planning,
or even daydreaming and fantasizing.
Yet such absentminded thinking
leads away from the current moment,
and when I work with fragmented thinking
there are residues of dissatifaction.
I are not satisfied with my efforts,
or with my fragmented awareness;
but trying to be mindful creates another ideal
that in chasing, I split.
Apparently as long as there is intention,
that is to say an I who wants to be some particular way,
and there is trying, for example to be mindful,
then there is a split.
Is there an alternative in which everything just is.
and one just lives?
Can there is be volition and intent,
without desire, avoidance, and attachment?
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