There is a deeply ingrained unconscious expectation that something will eventually happen to make life worthwhile. Our ego distorts this hope I know I have been possessed by this demon. The possession made most of what I actually accomplished in my career somewhat unreal and ghostly, since what I did, consulting, didn't satisfy my expectation, and longing. Even in retirement I gave up "having a job" in order to have space, presumably to succeed in some avenue I would not otherwise have time to explore. And some of my colleagues and relatives are dying, apparently without resolving similar aspirations.
Several sentences in an article by Mark Nepo (in the summer 1995 issue of the journal of myths called Parabola): "Whether conscious of it or not, we are all engaged in the search for the unknown other who might complete us and join us to the Whole. ... One of the great paradoxes of being is that each of us is born complete and yet we need contact with life in order to be whole. ... Another more subtle form of this ... appears as an idealized ambition or goal ... the joy of singing is extended into a dream of being recorded, the transformation process of writing is extended into a need to be published. Ironically, the innate ability to recognize and put things together ... is often diverted into an insatiable need to be recognized." And presumably to be recognized one needs to accomplish something, hopefully something that makes life worthwhile.
Socially, and competitively, measures of amounting to something permeate the economy, and the media. Most of us fail miserably, e.g., in comparison to acquaintances who made millions, who make news, or who are the news. Even in relation to peers we frequently feel miserable, in failing to have as beautiful a house and car, or stable relationships and a happy family, or a better job. But even if we have all these things, we still lack the feeling of personal accomplishment, of amounting to something.
Wes Isberg suggested that the bottom line might be attention; presumably being fully aware of the paradox, and of our suffering therein. He also suggested that one way to get down to concrete issues in life might be to look at specific relationships, what one wanted, and how then to practically to advance the relationship. Finally, he said that the usual response to being confronted with real life crisis choices, such as giving up close relationships or forging new ones, or making critical choices, is to go off on another tangent. He suggested instead stopping, as in meditation.
One can hypothesize a ideal being such as a Zen Master or Sage who no longer has the feeling that he must succeed or be recognized, but instead is able to live fully in each moment, and in so doing participate completely in each relationship. This idealization simply proves ourselves as failures–we are unlikely to become Masters. If we pursue the ideal we will only make ourselves feel less ideal, or we may behave like zealots.
Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese Zen master, says, in "Being Peace" (p. 6) that "we tend to be alive in the future, not now. We say, "Wait until I (grow up and) finish school ... and then I will be really alive." We have it (our degree), and its not easy to get, we say to ourselves, "I have to wait until I have a job in order to be really alive." And then after the job, a car. After the car, a house. (After that, children). We tend to postpone being alive to the future, the distant future, we don't know when."
"Peace at Every Step", by Thich Nhat Hahn, is a superb statement of "how to" meditate, and more generally how to be at peace and appreciate one's life, and others. Thich Nhat Hahn is a "super-luminary" among popular international teachers of meditation today. His book does not have the regimen of regular practice of any kind, as in daily sitting or chanting or mantras or moving or martial arts. Neither does it have Krishnamurti's single-minded dedication to getting through our mind's problems. Instead, it features the freshness of a smile, a flower, the next breath, and now, the present moment.
The best approach to how, really and practically, to amount to something, and to contribute something, in this world and this life, may be simply meditation, to deepen our awareness and appreciation of the wonder and sacredness of life within its everyday context. Then our norms, of education, then accomplishment within some discipline or profession, and family, will be more deeply felt. Moreover one needs to have some positive confidence in society, and in living, as an expression of one's deepest beliefs, and ideals, or at least in concert with them.
There are some pitfalls in this–after accomplishing our education/degree, job, car, house, family, etc., we may end up trying to live in the present moment, with the hope that we will amount to something. Meditation relates to this in many ways; one of which is the possibly unconscious faith that motivates the meditator, i.e., to eventually "succeed" and realize everything (perhaps the eternal NOW, with ultimate reality and the centerless universe, a vast empty oneness). Meanwhile the meditator is unlikely to experience the present, much less the ultimate moment, while wanting and expecting the ultimate makes his/her life unreal in the present. So one needs to be aware of the pitfalls, and to appreciate the present.